Jekyll and Hyde

The other day I heard someone make the distinction between being (insert husband's name)'s wife versus being a Navy wife.  I thought it was an interesting distinction.  I took it as she never wants to define herself as being a Navy wife (and maybe I'm off-base with my assumption).  I find it interesting that a lot of military wives seem to define themselves as just that.... an Army/ Air Force  Marine/ Navy wife.  The reality is though, we are so much more than that.

It would be incorrect, however, not to include "military wife" as part of our identity.  That's our way of life; knowing that our husband (or wife, in some cases) could be called upon with very short notice (sometimes less than 24 hours) to get underway and/or deploy for our country.  Knowing that our spouse will miss so many milestones while deployed (in our case, Mike missed Lexie crawling, first steps, and first words). Knowing that every few years, we will move and it's our job to pick up the house, organize everything,  and put it all back together at a new location.  That's a part of who we are.  Not everyone can do what we do.  It take a lot of trust and communication between spouses to make a military marriage work.  It takes a lot of sacrifice.

                   I feel like we appreciate time with our sailor more because he's not always around
                               
Sometimes, I'm not sure regular people understand that.  I've had people tell me that I "signed up for this life" and that I "knew what I was getting into".  To some extent, yes, I'll agree with those statements.  I was fully aware I was marrying someone serving in the military, but on the flip side, that's who I fell in love with.  You can't just turn off what you feel because you don't like someone's choice of occupation.  If you can, you never felt love for them in the first place. So yes, it was a choice I made, to marry to man I love, but don't confuse that and think that I enjoy every second of being the wife of a sailor.

Conversely, I do not agree with people solely identifying themselves as a military wife.  Give yourself some credit, there is more to you than just being the wife of Seaman Timmy.  You had a life before you met (hopefully), and you should continue to have one afterwards.  I refuse to put all my dreams on hold until Mike is done serving (he still wants to do another 15 years), and it's not fair to assume I would.  Mike would never ask that of me.  Will it make accomplishing my dreams more difficult?  Sure.  I want to be a lawyer.  I need to stay in one place long enough to complete law school.  I am unsure what will happen after that, but that's okay (not really, because I like to plan, but I'm trying to let it be okay).  We're taking each obstacle as it comes.  There are plenty of spouses out there who manage to maintain a career while married to a service member.  Having that separate identity is healthy, and I believe it makes it easier when they are gone, to have something to preoccupy yourself with.

How you define yourself, or don't define yourself, can make all the difference on your outlook in life.  I choose to wear both hats.  I am more than a regular wife, but I am also more than just a Navy wife.  I'm a combination.  I'm me.  I out on whatever hat is necessary at the time.  I will not be pigeon holed into one or the other because for me, I need to be both.  Now if only some of these crazy wives would get that...

the way things were

Having a child (or multiple children) changes you, in more ways than one.  The life you once had will never be the same.  Most of time, I really enjoy my life as a mother, but I'm willing to bet that most moms (if not all) have those moments of, "What was I thinking?!?!"  Some changes are subtle, others are more obvious...

Take our bodies for example.... unless you were blessed with amazing genes (or lots of money for a nanny and personal trainer to kick your post-partum behind into shape), your body underwent some serious changes.  I was one of those who was oh-so-hopeful that my body would just bounce back.  Not so.  Granted, I could have been more active during my pregnancy, but hey, hind sight is 20/20, right?  Now, I'm squishy in all the wrong places and I'm 99% sure my hips are not where they used to be.  People don't tell you how hard losing pregnancy weight is either.  It's like it wasn't enough to go through the discomfort of pregnancy and delivery, but now I have to work twice as hard to get rid of all this weight?!  What a cruel, cruel joke.  Someday, I really will lose all this weight, hopefully in the upcoming months.

Another thing I've noticed is how your interactions with others change.  Once upon a time I would have been embarrassed to talk about pooping, vomit, discharge, and a whole host of topics.  Not anymore.  I've found that once you're a parent, almost anything goes.  I'v compared poop colors, discussed postpartum bleeding and discharge, skin rashes, episiotomies, vaginal tearing, you name it, and all without skipping a beat.  Pretty sure I was not too fond of those topics pre-baby.  I also find myself making friends with other moms and couples versus single friends.  I am in a different stage in my life, one that single friends do not seem to understand.  It's rough when you are friends with single (single meaning not married, by the way) people and they don't get why your child tags along, or the pains of finding a babysitter, or even the concept of putting someone other than themselves first.  My daughter ALWAYS comes first, no matter what.

That brings me to my next point (and the real reason for this post)... I cannot stand it when friends get annoyed that my daughter tags along.  I'm sorry that having a two year old at dinner isn't your idea of a good time, but you know what? She's my world.  Is it sometimes annoying and frustrating to constantly have to interrupt conversation to make sure she's not stabbing herself with a fork?  Sure.  But you know what?  I'd rather have her with me than feel guilty for leaving her behind.  I just find it rude that someone would say to me how annoying it is to constantly be interrupted by my daughter.  It makes me want to slap someone.

Perhaps that is why I have (unconsciously) begun to distance myself from my single friends.  There are so many ways Alexis has changed my life, and most of them are good.  Sure there are time when I think I must have been insane to want a child... but, I have it pretty easy.  She's smart, very talkative, active (a double- edged sword), happy and charming, what's not to like?  I sometimes think about how my life would be different without her... but, I wouldn't trade a second with her for my previous life.  If someone doesn't want to understand what a blessing she is, I guess they have no business being a part of my life!  I certainly wouldn't want to spoil someone's evening with a charming little girl.... why waste her time on someone like that?  She's too good for that! :)

                                                 the ray of sunshine that changed my life

in search of adventure....

I have long debated starting my own blog... but I have been unsure how to really go about it.  I've been uncertain on what to write about; what my "niche" would be in the blogoshere.  There are many blogs I enjoying reading, each with it's own topic, so to speak.  All the "how to's" of blogging stress how important it is to not have your blog jumbled with multiple topics- apparently that doesn't get you as many readers. I guess that's not my goal right now.  Right now, I am just dipping my toe in the water, seeing where the ripples take me.

I have always enjoyed writing, especially free writing.  To me, it has always been an easier way of expressing myself and getting thoughts out.  I'm one of those people who needs to write things down.  There are so many pieces of paper (envelopes, scrapes of junk mail, notepads, whatever) around my computer with things jotted down on them.  I'm a list-maker, I'm infamous for my to-do lists (just ask my husband!).  Not only do I like to make lists, but I am also OCD, so once there are too many lines through tasks, I am highly likely to make a new list of the remaining tasks just to make it look nicer.  Not that any of this has anything to do with a blog, but the point is, I enjoy writing (or in this case, typing).

My original desire in having a my own blog was to create a page where my family (immediate and extended), as well as my husband's family, would be able to find updates on our lives and pictures of our adventures.  That sounds great and all, but I feel like I want this to be more than that.  Not to sound egocentric, but I'm hoping this blog will be more about the ins and outs of my life (which of course includes my husband and daughter), what I do, things that work for me, things that don't.  Perhaps I'll start posting about my Pinterest experiments (I'm always trying out projects and recipes I pin).

I guess what I've taken a long time to say is that I'm starting on this adventure, and I hope you'll stick around the enjoy it with me.  Who knows, maybe I'll find a fairytale of my own...