Jekyll and Hyde

The other day I heard someone make the distinction between being (insert husband's name)'s wife versus being a Navy wife.  I thought it was an interesting distinction.  I took it as she never wants to define herself as being a Navy wife (and maybe I'm off-base with my assumption).  I find it interesting that a lot of military wives seem to define themselves as just that.... an Army/ Air Force  Marine/ Navy wife.  The reality is though, we are so much more than that.

It would be incorrect, however, not to include "military wife" as part of our identity.  That's our way of life; knowing that our husband (or wife, in some cases) could be called upon with very short notice (sometimes less than 24 hours) to get underway and/or deploy for our country.  Knowing that our spouse will miss so many milestones while deployed (in our case, Mike missed Lexie crawling, first steps, and first words). Knowing that every few years, we will move and it's our job to pick up the house, organize everything,  and put it all back together at a new location.  That's a part of who we are.  Not everyone can do what we do.  It take a lot of trust and communication between spouses to make a military marriage work.  It takes a lot of sacrifice.

                   I feel like we appreciate time with our sailor more because he's not always around
                               
Sometimes, I'm not sure regular people understand that.  I've had people tell me that I "signed up for this life" and that I "knew what I was getting into".  To some extent, yes, I'll agree with those statements.  I was fully aware I was marrying someone serving in the military, but on the flip side, that's who I fell in love with.  You can't just turn off what you feel because you don't like someone's choice of occupation.  If you can, you never felt love for them in the first place. So yes, it was a choice I made, to marry to man I love, but don't confuse that and think that I enjoy every second of being the wife of a sailor.

Conversely, I do not agree with people solely identifying themselves as a military wife.  Give yourself some credit, there is more to you than just being the wife of Seaman Timmy.  You had a life before you met (hopefully), and you should continue to have one afterwards.  I refuse to put all my dreams on hold until Mike is done serving (he still wants to do another 15 years), and it's not fair to assume I would.  Mike would never ask that of me.  Will it make accomplishing my dreams more difficult?  Sure.  I want to be a lawyer.  I need to stay in one place long enough to complete law school.  I am unsure what will happen after that, but that's okay (not really, because I like to plan, but I'm trying to let it be okay).  We're taking each obstacle as it comes.  There are plenty of spouses out there who manage to maintain a career while married to a service member.  Having that separate identity is healthy, and I believe it makes it easier when they are gone, to have something to preoccupy yourself with.

How you define yourself, or don't define yourself, can make all the difference on your outlook in life.  I choose to wear both hats.  I am more than a regular wife, but I am also more than just a Navy wife.  I'm a combination.  I'm me.  I out on whatever hat is necessary at the time.  I will not be pigeon holed into one or the other because for me, I need to be both.  Now if only some of these crazy wives would get that...